The Call to Truth: A Spiritual Initiation
The chaos that precedes becoming
This is the beginning of a two-part reflection on the path of healing and embodiment—a journey that continues to change me from the inside out.
This first piece speaks to the unraveling that happens when we begin to wake up—when life invites us to look inward and question the silent agreements we’ve made with ourselves and the world.
It’s personal, but maybe it’s yours too.
The Crack in The Surface
The first stage in this process might be called a spiritual awakening—
a crack in the surface, a visceral wake-up call that says:
“This isn’t it.”
You begin to see the conditions that have shaped you—
your upbringing, the roles you’ve played, the unconscious patterns passed down through family and culture, the places where trauma or fear interrupted your connection to yourself.
You see how much of your life was lived in service to belonging, even if it cost you your authenticity.
That split hurts.
But recognising it is the beginning of healing.
🌀 Reflection:
Where do you feel a split between who you are at your core and how you show up in the world?
We All Have Our Survival Stories
And they once kept us safe.
But these very strategies can become the walls that keep us from experiencing the very things we long for.
My own crack in the surface began in 2018.
Since then, the journey has been one of shedding and returning—
simmering in the process of becoming intimate with my patterns, inclinations, and even neuroses.
It doesn’t sound glamorous, but it was necessary, if I was to anchor in a spirituality that didn’t bypass my humanity.
This deep intimacy with my shadows is what allowed me to develop a love for myself that comes from genuine self-understanding.
And it keeps on giving.
The Unfolding is Slow But it’s Real
The letting go of what no longer fits came much later.
The reclaiming of what was repressed is only beginning to happen now.
You see, healing is not a linear process.
Sometimes I feel clear and grounded.
Other times, I spiral.
But even when it feels messy and entangled, I trust that something real is unfolding.
The Rules We Never Chose
Some of the beliefs I’ve had to face include:
I don’t deserve good things.
I’m not enough.
I have to do everything on my own.
My needs are too much.
I’ll be abandoned if I show the real me.
These weren’t just thoughts—they we the silent rules I lived by.
And as I brought them into awareness, everything began to change.
Slowly.
Sometimes seemingly backward.
But always toward more wholeness.
🌀 Inquiry Invitation:
What beliefs about yourself are you starting to question?
The Map Was Always Inside
The more I explore my internal world, the more I understand this:
my inner compass is always guiding me.
So this healing path, it is a spiritual path—
not in a lofty or disconnected way,
but in the most embodied sense.
My practice now is presence.
Feeling what’s here.
Not rushing to fix it.
Trusting that my emotions carry intelligence.
Trusting that my body knows.
I am still cultivating my relationship with my intuition,
and I know that sometimes my inner compass is wrong.
Wrong because of my socialising and the things I’ve accepted as true.
It might take time for certain things to take shape in my life,
but I am constantly building from inside.
I am building my roots and foundations,
my connection to myself
and also to the source of all there is—
this Universe that holds everything.
🌀 Inquiry Invitation:
What parts of yourself have been kept in the dark? Can you meet them with loving presence?
Awareness in this process is the first step, but awareness alone isn’t enough.
It must be lived and embodied.
In Part Two, I’ll share how this journey has become less about becoming aware mentally and more about living—what it means to embody your truth, regulate your nervous system, and reclaim the body as sacred ground.
If this speaks to you, I’d love to hear what it brings up.
You’re always welcome to reply to this email or share your reflections.
Reading this was if I was revisiting points on my own growth journey. Mine began in 2019 and started with sitting with releasing old religious trauma yet attempting to find which lessons needed to stay. I have had some real low moments in which I wanted to just not be in this life experience anymore however sitting on the other side of growth, I stand in gratitude. I stand in gratitude for moments like this when I see my own reflection and remember I am never alone. Thank you for your willingness to share your growth journey with us. 💚🕯️😂
Thank you for sharing, Alexandra! This really spoke to me. What you described is so similar to my experience. As a result, I’m unpacking similar limiting beliefs and learning what this means for me as I bravely step into authenticity. I look forward to reading Part 2!